i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
