Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
