rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
