I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
