thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
