so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
