bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
