Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Drake has all the answers
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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