it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
