I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just sucked dick on a ferry
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
