so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
