just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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