And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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