is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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