ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
