a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
