I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
