you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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