My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
