Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
