false alarm. still invincible.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize