Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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