Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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