If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
