I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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