There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
