Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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