Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
