the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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