When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
