i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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