Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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