New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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