She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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