It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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