I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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