Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
