The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize