I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
