shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
