Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
