Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
