RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
