Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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