bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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