just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
