when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
