I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
