why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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