I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
