..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
