Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
