we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
