i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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