hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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