Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
