Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
