Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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