chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
