who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
