Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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