If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
