Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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