I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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