I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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