I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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