the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sext me about skeletons
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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