i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
