You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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