Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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