I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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