omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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