I just saw a hot homeless man
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
