I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
