so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
