Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
