i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize