I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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